The first time I met you was back in late 2016.
When happiness had just slid out the door, leaving behind its opposite darker self, staring down into my soul.
I remember how nights became longer & days unexpectedly shorter.
Then nights became days & days turned into nights.
AM’s into PM’s & PM’s into AM’s!
Out of habit I was forced to live in this newly adapted time line.
Things became tough, stepping out felt like a huge test, a daunting task,
Like walking into an interview where everyone knew I was going to be the next REEJECT!
Junk food became my staple diet, sugar became my alcohol and negativity- my new home!
In this little world, my mind only knew of darkness, as if this world had never seen the brink of light,
As if it had never known HOPE or HEALTHY!
Months went by in a blink of an eye.
Several tantrums, fucked up lifestyle, endless questions, numerous self help books & sessions later, I came across the fact that I was clinically depressed!
I remembered then, telling my friends how it was easy to ask for help, to reach out to people if they ever felt *depressed* or it would be completely okay if they just tried to divert their mind!
But that very day I realized how wrong I was,
Anything easier said than done, I couldn’t look you in the eye nor could I look at myself in the mirror!
I was ashamed at how *depression* was the thing I had been dealing with all this while!
Turns out even my mind was tainted by the social stigma attached with you, turns out I was no different!
Afraid of this 10 lettered word, I went through MY 5 stages of shock:
I never really understood how and when you broke into my house, my humble abode – MY MIND & made it your HOME!
You thrived in this beautiful house, grew by each passing day, gained control of this host body and became powerful as ever!
You became the dictator of my actions and ruled my mind!
One moment I would laugh, the next, my world would come crashing down!
I didn’t really know why it was happening or what really was going on but I definitely knew something was terribly wrong in my head!
Countless encounters later, I came face to face with you, once again & looked you in the eye, not with fear but with courage!
By this time my body, my mind had learnt to recognize your ways of doing things.
Hence I knew of your arrival & of your departure!
My life has been a bit less of a living hell from then on.
I knew I couldn’t throw you out all at once but I could definitely learn to calm you the hell down!
I knew then & there in that precise moment that in this temple of a body I had to find a way to live peacefully.
But as time passed, I somewhat gained control on you, I knew I couldn’t remove you from my system all at once cause the more I tried to, the more you resisted, the more you toughened your grip!
Shocking but its true that no matter how much I try, you’ll never really leave me alone, hence I decided to befriend you so that we learn to CO-EXIST!
Since then, whenever I am at lowest, and (if) you knock on my door, I know I have to let you in, cause I know for a fact that MY ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH YOU!
Monologue ends: 04:14am.